Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
