what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize