Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
