just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
