I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
