Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
