I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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