Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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