Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
