I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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