We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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