Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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