I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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