The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
