just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
