Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
