if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My ass is underappreciated
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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