Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
