Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
