Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize