I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
