She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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