if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize