I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
