is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
