last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
