My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
