If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize