She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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