I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
