your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
