Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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