Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
