her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
