the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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