I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize