You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
