well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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