I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize