so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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