...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
