Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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