so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
