her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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