Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
