I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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