and you said cock pushups were impossible
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
