He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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