i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
