I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
A bitchslap is in order.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
