the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize