sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
