totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
