You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
