Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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