White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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