In the future we'll all be gay
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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