i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
