Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
