That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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