I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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