i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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