That's when you crack a 10am beer
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
