Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
