You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
