He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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